A walk on the wild side

Do you ever feel completely paranoid about something? And you might not necessarily need to be so paranoid about that thing but you can't help but obsess over it because you care so much?

I feel like I'm reading too much into things lately, but I can't seem to help it. I need affirmation I'm not willing to ask for, because I know that would invalidate it for me. I wish I could just ask and not worry, so I could breathe again. I feel like I haven't been able to breathe for the past week. I'm in a constant state of paranoia. 

I hate being constantly terrified like this. I've never been so afraid to lose something in my entire life. I wish something else had never happened, or that it had dissolved the way other things did, so I could sleep easy at night, confident in what I have. 

I should have jumped last year. I should have taken this chance then, before all of this doubt crept in. And it's not doubt about how I feel. I know how I feel. And maybe it's because I feel so strongly, because I've never felt like this before, that I'm so scared.

I just wish I knew.......