We were both young when I first saw you

What is love at first sight? 

People say they don't believe in it, but why? Did we ever define "at first sight". Is first sight the first moment you see someone, because if it is, then love at first sight is clearly impossible. You can't be walking down the street, see someone and say 'I'm in love with them' before even saying "Hello". 

Or, is love at first sight the first time we truly see a person for who they really are? When we see a side of someone they show no one else and we're enchanted by it, consumed by it, and rather inevitably, we fall in love with it, is that the true meaning of "love at first sight"?

 I'd like to think so. I'd like to believe in love at first sight. 

Don't Hope. Believe.

If you could SEE the way this poem started, you would gag. Hell, you might gag anyway. But here goes:

Don't Hope. Believe.

You showed me how to stand up for what I believe in

You held my hand when I was weak

When I told myself I couldn't make it,

You told me I was wrong.

When I needed a friend, you stepped in

You helped me learn that I could fly.

You're my star when I am lost,

that push that keeps me going.

I don't hope for love.

I believe.

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale

What's been eating me up inside lately is only getting worse. It's only a matter of time until I crack and spill the beans. Anyone want to take bets on how bad this could possibly go? (Especially in light of recent events)

In addition to the soul chewing, I've been feeling a little deflated today. See previous blog for no explanation whatsoever, and this one probably won't give much of one either. A little too painful. Guess I didn't realize how much this would affect me, though I should have given my first statement in this blog. I just feel....empty. It doesn't bother me unless I stop and think about it, then I want to cry.

At what point is the statute of limitations up on mistakes? Does the clock start ticking when the mistake was made, or does it start ticking when the person it affects the most finds out? Just something I was wondering about when I was driving home in the downpour tonight. 

Made up a really great song on the bus today. From now on, when I see my tennis girls, I shall go "Do dah. Do dah." And monday we want to follow the person it's about around and just go "Do dah do dah". cause they'll have no idea. It's a tennis thing :D 

Speaking of tennis....sucked it up hardcore. Okay, actually the score was not indicative of how the match actually went. But oh well. I hate playing in the rain.

One final note.....do dah, do dah. 

Watch the glass slipper fall.

GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Someone is going to get their ass kicked. 

This sucks. Feeling something resembling betrayed here.

This Kind Of Clarity Only Comes Once

To all those who have ever heard a love song and found some part in it that spoke to you, this is for you.

To all those who have ever watched a movie about love, and no matter how dissimilar it was to your own situation, found some part of it to relate to your life, this is for you.

To all of those who know what it feels like to hold hands with someone and feel like your feet aren't even touching the ground, this is for you. 

To all those who know what it feels like to have time suspended when you look into their eyes, this is for you.

To all of those who know in the depths of their souls that they'll never feel this way ever again, this is for you.

Do not be afraid of love.

This kind of clarity only comes once.

Don't let it slip away.

Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance

First off, let's start with a wacky side note: Last night at work I decided I wanted to kill off a character. Why? Because I'm bored with her. So...I'll start plotting her murder rather shortly.

Have you ever been afraid to tell someone something? Probably. It seems to happen to a lot of people. But for the last.....god I don't even know how long, I've had paralysis of the tongue. I don't know why I'm so afraid to say it. I suppose I don't want things to get weird. I'm also afraid of hearing no. Or maybe it's because I don't want it to change anything, because it shouldn't but it has before. I don't know. I suppose I'll figure it out eventually.

So tennis started....I'm very very very very very very out of shape. VERY out of shape. I seriously thought I was going to die during practice yesterday. Stupid conditioning. Speaking of tennis, I'm getting "Mom" on the back of my sweatshirt. Why? It seems to have become my nickname.

Gah. I want a cookie. I want one of the cookies Aaron and I made. Though, next time we need to not leave them in the oven so long. That wasn't so good. We didn't burn them, just made them like little hockey pucks.

Well.................class is almost over. I think I'm going to go hunt down some coffee to wake myself up (giving coffee up for lent lasted all of two days, maybe. whoops?)

We're getting down til the sun's coming up

Wow. It's been a little while since I blogged. Sorry to the person who occasionally reads my blog!!

Hmm...updates?

Aaron is still INCREDIBLE. Holy crap. We've been dating for a month and a half and have yet to have a real fight (we don't call what we do fighting. We were friends first, we'll never give up giving each other crap). It's amazing. And he makes me feel like a princess. My Momma T told me that he needed to treat me like gold or she'd beat him up. I told her he treats me like diamonds. Which is very true. He never makes me feel bad about myself. Ever. He does nothing but make me happy (okay, minus that one time but you get the occasional free pass on screwing up). He makes me want to listen to pop music. Ridiculously happy, bubblegum pop music. I can't listen to sad music right now. I don't feel sad. I don't know why, but with him I'd dance in a storm in my best dress (Anna Marie, you should get that one). Gaaahhh.....I could go on forever on how amazing this feels. The funny thing is, I could go on and on and on and never quite be able to explain exactly how he makes me feel.

Is it weird that the stuff that always bugged me about other guys doesn't bug me with him? Is it cause I know him well enough to know when he'll stop so I don't feel like I need to curb his behavior or babysit him? I still mother him, but in a completely different way than what I usually do. It really isn't even mothering. I just want to take care of him, to make sure he never wants for anything. I want him safe, happy and healthy. And instead of thinking I have to make him into a responsible adult so everyone will like him and think he's good enough for me, I just let him be him because I know he's good enough for me (if that makes any sense....). 

I think it's really helped that we know each other so well. Takes a lot of the guess work out of things. I can relax and be my goofy self with him. Hell, I was jumping in puddles because I had my rain boots on in front of him. Yup, I was THAT big of a dork. 

So...in other news: I want to graduate and be done already. Seriously awful senioritis. 

Tennis just started. I figured out today that Jenna and I are the only girls' singles players. So that means I'm second seed. FUCK. I'm NOT that good. I was looking forward to a nice, relaxing season of playing like....4th seed singles, where I could beat up on all the freshman. I'm not good enough to play SECOND seed. I'm going to get SLAUGHTERED. It's going to be EMBARRASSING. MORTIFYING. AAHHHH!!!!! Now I actually have to work hard and learn to hit the ball. Blah. I'll be fine...maybe. Good thing I've got Aaron to talk me out of breaking my foot. 

Work is blah.

I'm thinking about finishing my story from last year. Now that I have a new idea on how it all works out. And my original inspiration for Gus is more clear, which really helps the story. Maybe I'll start outlining again, do some character exercises.....

You know what I just thought of. I'd make an AMAZING creative writing teacher. I would have SO much fun coming up with projects for my classes. That would be fun....Actually, being a professional writer would be cool. Too bad I don't have the attention span or follow through for that. Oh well. 

Well....I'm getting REALLY sleepy. So....WAIT. I almost forgot! Coffee didn't last long for lent. I'm not sure what else I could give up on that list that I haven't already had. So...I guess no lent this year?